Forgiveness is Hard, But Here’s Why You Should Do It Anyway

Have you ever felt the weight of anger, resentment, or bitterness clinging to you like a dark shadow, draining your mental and emotional energy? If so, you’re not alone. But what if I told you that the path to your freedom, inner peace, and happiness lies in forgiving those who’ve hurt you the most? You might scoff, thinking it’s absurd. “I’ll never forgive them,” you might say. “They hurt me.”

Yet, consider this: by holding onto that grudge, who are you really punishing? Yourself! Yes, they inflicted pain, but by clinging to resentment, you’re the one drinking the poison of bitterness. You might argue they deserve it, but in truth, it’s you who suffers the most.

So, let’s shake off that dark energy and explore how forgiveness can truly heal, liberate, and elevate your life. Ready to dive in?

Keep reading!

Why is Forgiveness so Hard?

• Animal Instinct: Our brains are hard wired to protect us from harm, including emotional harm. When someone hurts us, our natural response is to defend ourselves and hold onto negative feelings as a form of self-protection.

• Challenges our Ego: Forgiveness can feel like admitting defeat or weakness, which goes against our ego’s desire to protect itself. Our ego always wants to win!

• Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up to forgiveness means exposing ourselves to the possibility of being hurt again, making us hesitant to let go of our defenses.

• Unmet Expectations: Our expectations or dreams are disappointed. We feel at loss and want other party to make up for our loss/damages.

• Negative Subconscious Patterns: Our thinking patterns and beliefs keeps our mind caged in thoughts like “They don’t deserve forgiveness” or “I’ll look weak if I forgive” or “If I forgive, they will do this again to me” or “They did it on purpose to hurt me”

• Assigning Responsibility or Blame: We tend to blame others completely for what they do wrong, without considering their perspective or the larger picture. When we mess up, we often blame outside factors instead of taking responsibility. But when others do it, we make it a huge deal and totally unacceptable.

• Failure of seeing other person’s point of view: Sometimes, we’re so focused on our own pain that we can’t imagine why someone would hurt us. It can be hard to understand why someone did something hurtful to us, if we don’t try to see things from their point of view.

• Reluctance to let go of resentment and bitterness: Holding onto negative feelings can feel like a way to protect ourselves, even though it weighs us down.

• Emotional barriers built from past experiences: Past hurts or past baggages can create a self protection mechanism of building the walls that make it hard to trust and forgive again.

• Fear of vulnerability: Opening up to forgiveness means risking being hurt again, or extending the pain, which can feel scary.

• Misconceptions about forgiveness: Many believe that forgiving means excusing the wrong or letting the offender off the hook, when in reality, it’s about freeing ourselves from the burden of anger and resentment.

Consequences of Not Forgiving

• When we refuse to forgive, we end up carrying the heavy weight of negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and bitterness. Instead of penalizing others, we end up punishing ourselves. As an energy healer and life coach, I’ve seen first hand that these emotions can create energetic blockages within us, hindering the flow of positive life energy and affecting our mental, emotional, and physical health.

  Research also shows that harboring resentment can contribute to high blood pressure, heart disease, and other stress-related illnesses. Not forgiving will keep us trapped in the past, and it will manifest in every aspect of our lives, limiting our growth, happiness, and potential.

What is Forgiveness?

• Forgiveness is a Process: Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply isn’t as simple as flipping a switch. It’s a journey with its ups and downs. Some days will be easier than others. The key is to keep moving forward, even when it’s tough.

• Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Forgetting: You don’t have to erase the memory of the hurt to forgive. In fact, trying to forget can sometimes make things worse. Forgiveness is about choosing to let go of resentment and bitterness while acknowledging the pain.

• Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Reconciliation: Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean restoring the relationship. Sometimes, maintaining distance is healthier for your well-being. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from emotional burden, not necessarily about rebuilding trust.

• Forgiveness is for You, Not Them: While it might feel like forgiving lets the other person off the hook, it’s actually about finding peace for yourself. Holding onto anger and resentment hurts you more than it hurts them. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

The Journey of Forgiveness

Forgiving can be a challenging but transformative process. Here are some steps to help you on your journey to forgiveness:

• Decide You Deserve to Stop Suffering: Conscious decision is a first step in ending personal suffering. It involves admitting to yourself that holding onto anger, resentment, or hurt is more damaging to you than to the person who wronged you. This acknowledgment is not about excusing the wrongdoing but about understanding that your own well-being is at stake.

• Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize and accept the emotions you’re experiencing, whether it’s anger, hurt, or resentment. Allow yourself to feel them fully without judgment.

• Understand the Situation: Try to understand the perspective of the person who hurt you. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their actions, but understanding can help you gain perspective and empathy.

• Choosing to Let Go: This decision involves a shift in mindset from clinging to past hurts to embracing the possibility of peace and freedom. It means choosing not to let the hurtful actions of others continue to control your emotions and dictate your life.

• Emotional Processing: It involves actively working through your feelings to facilitate forgiveness. One powerful technique is to write a letter to the person who hurt you. This letter can express all your feelings—anger, hurt, confusion, and even forgiveness. You don’t have to send it; the act of writing helps you articulate and release your emotions. It allows you to confront and process your feelings in a structured way, which can be deeply therapeutic.

• Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understanding their motives or struggles can help you empathize with them, making it easier to forgive.

• Set Boundaries: As mentioned, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with the person or tolerate their behavior. It’s okay to set boundaries to protect yourself.

• Focus on Yourself: Shift your focus from the past to the present and future. Engage in self-care activities and surround yourself with supportive people.

• Seek Support: Consider talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or a counselor who can provide unbiased guidance and support as you navigate the process of forgiveness.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself throughout this process. Forgiveness is a journey, and it’s okay to take your time.

There is Light at the End of the Tunnel